


Wherein Jim is the Winningest Player at Spin the Bottle

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [41]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Amazonia (Rambleverse Setting), F/M, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, M/M, Multi, Pike's Reclaimed Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline), Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-20
Updated: 2010-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teaser: Jim rocks forward and places the bottle precisely in the middle of the circle. He squints at it from this angle, then the other like he's playing billiards, prompting a few comments of <i>Ooh, we have a professional here, ladies and gentlemen</i> and a slap on the ass from Bones, who thinks he's showing off. (For the record, Jim Kirk does not show off his ass. His ass is simply too luxurious for ordinary expectations of subtlety.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Jim is the Winningest Player at Spin the Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> Mild dub-con, depending on how you interpret it with respect to Kirk's reliability as a narrator and the relationship in context of the full Rambleverse series.

Jim loves sitting in the captain's chair, and he loves snapping out orders to his gorgeous and talented underlings, but there's a definite drawback to being the commanding officer on Beta shift. Once the shifts ends, all the gorgeous underlings go sashaying off the bridge to their quarters or the rec rooms or "parts unknown" (meaning the camera blind-spot on Deck E where said gorgeous underlings have set up camp with pillows and shiny toys and all manner of adventurous booze) and Jim is left in the ready room, finishing up the shift report and briefing the incoming Gamma shift commander.

Then after that he has to walk the report down to Pike's quarters because sending it via the intraship network just isn't the same, supposedly, and there are numerous untold advantages, supposedly, to making Jim stand there awkwardly while Pike reads the report and asks a dozen tedious questions with variable subtext.

Lately most of the subtext has been along the lines of _When are you going to mess up again so I can beat the crap out of you?_ because after being captain for two months, commanding Beta shift is a snap. Jim is incredibly proud of himself (and grateful for the chance to catch up on sleep) but Pike's been dropping hints about cross-training so Jim tries not to look too smug. Not to mention, Pike is still using his wheelchair most nights and Jim does not want a repeat of the Toe Incident.

So anyway, if Jim keeps a tight enough handle on his facial expressions, that debriefing is over pretty quick and he can get changed into civvies for a night of wild fun. Of course, being on Beta shift, "wild fun" never really comes about; most of the ship is on Alpha shift and sleeps through Gamma. There are a few people scattered around the rec rooms burning the midnight oil, but most of them are career officers hand-picked by Pike, so they tend to be 1) a little old and 2) completely bonkers. They're also condescending as hell, except for Helmsman McKenna, which is ironic because he's the oldest and most bonkers of them all. But at any rate, after Jim wanders through four different rec rooms without seeing any of his buddies, he stays long enough to share a plate of fries and a crossword puzzle with McKenna. Then he bids the grizzled gentleman a saucy goodbye and heads over to Amazonia, the aforementioned Camera Blind-Spot of Glory.

Jim expects there to be a Mario-Kart tournament in full swing when he gets there, but instead everybody's sitting on the deck, in a circle. Jim is about to announce his presence with a hopeful joke about storytime, but Uhura's looking feisty.

"It landed in between them, so I get to spin again!" she says.

There's a general negatory response—Gaila, sitting next to Uhura, manages to slap herself in the face with her curls, she shakes her head so hard—and Sulu pipes up, "You see who it's pointing closer to."

The exasperated noise Uhura makes in response isn't the strangest thing Jim's heard out of her, but it's definitely an indicator that she is Not Quite Sober. "It's pointing exactly in the _middle,_ " she snaps, then points directly at Jim.

Ok, that's weird. "Hey guys, what's up?" says Jim.

Everyone snaps their heads around (some more woozily than others) to look at him. Bones and Riley, who had their backs to Jim, twist around and between them he can suddenly see a winebottle on the deck in the middle of the circle, pointing right between them. Incidentally, pointing right at _Jim_.

"Problem solved!" Sulu says, to the general assent of the circle.

"Sweet!" Jim says.

Uhura splutters eloquently for a moment. "He's not even playing!" she spits out.

"It's very mean of you to discriminate against people like that," Gaila says.

"Exactly," Jim says. "And besides, I'm _always_ playing. When you think about it, philosophically, you know, life is one big game of Spin-the-Bottle."

"You can't be serious," Uhura says, and Jim is about to answer that he's _very_ serious but as it turns out, she isn't talking to him; she's glancing around the circle with a pleading expression (it's both hot and insulting, but not confusing, because Jim is used to mixed messages from her.) There's no mercy; Gaila pokes Uhura cruelly in the side until she ascends to her feet and pads glumly over to Jim.

Jim watches her walk (it's a hobby, ok) and makes an appreciative note of the pajama-chic look she has going on; her hair's still in a ponytail from shift, but she's draped in an overlong t-shirt and beneath that, purple leggings. Her shoes are thin, soft-soled things that go _shh, shh, shh_ against the decking.

Uhura comes to a stop just out of reach and cocks her head assessingly at Jim.

"You're too tall," she pronounces.

Good thing Jim's a wizard problem solver. He immediately lowers himself to the decking, one knee jutting out. "Then come on down here, hot stuff," he says, and pats the seat of his thigh.

Uhura rolls her eyes but she's smiling, and there's a distinct flavor of cat-that-got-the-cream if Jim's reading it right (and he totally is, because he's been looking at Uhura looking at him for a long time.) She lowers herself like some plant unfurling, all the more ethereal for the inebriated deliberation of her movements. Once settled on his knee, she crosses one leg primly over the other. "Don't get fresh," she says.

Jim considers answering _Wouldn't dream of it_ but Uhura is already leaning into him, her shoulder a hard point against his chest. The kiss is as cool as he expected; Uhura is always chilly to the touch, making him wonder if she's dating Spock just for his furnace-like abilities, but her lips are sweet from whatever she's drinking. Jim keeps his hands in gentlemanly places: the cloth-covered spine of her shin, the curve of her waist closer to rib than to hip; and doesn't move them until she starts to pull away.

The inspired strategem at that point is to sweep her up into his arms and cup the back of her head with his palm. She squawks into his mouth and struggles but he just cradles her closer, bracing his legs against her dainty, pointy-toed kicks. She's not punching his shoulder nearly as hard as she could (although her knuckles are sort of unbearably sharp.)

The catcalls taper off and Jim can hear Bones grumble "Hey now, treat the lady right," so he relaxes his hold, just enough to steal a few last-second kisses before she gets away.

Uhura hops up off his knee and glares at him, hands on hips and ponytail swinging around belatedly. "You're such a greedy _slut,_ Kirk," she hisses.

"You love it," Jim says, and laughs when she slaps him full across the face. She's not a wimp about it—his cheek is lit up with a solid burn—but it's a friendly pain, like when she rolls up his sleeve without asking and writes on his skin with a metal-nibbed pen.

Uhura turns away from Jim with an exaggerated sniff and returns to the circle.

"You're an excellent judge of character, Miss Uhura," Bones says.

Uhura smiles politely at him over the ensuing jumble of mirth. "Thank you, Dr. McCoy," she replies, and jostles between Scotty and Gaila for a moment before folding herself up like a Chinese fan.

Jim crawls forward (burrowing himself a space between Bones and Riley) and grabs the bottle because sure, he's a greedy slut, but he's also clever and resourceful. He's also surprised, because the bottle is half full of blue, fizzy liquid. "What the hell is this?" he asks.

"Parqhuit wine," Gaila informs him. "It gets sweeter the more you shake it." Her smile is a masterpiece of guilelessness, screaming _Trust me! I have no ulterior motives whatsoever!_

Suddenly, it all becomes clear exactly how this game started.

"Huh," says Jim. He hefts the bottle in one hand, tilts it experimentally. He can account for the weight just fine, but the liquid sloshing around is going to mess up his well-honed sense of physics. Might as well minimize the variable, though; Jim twists open the bottle and takes a swig. "Ew," he says contemplatively.

Bones bursts into sudden, short laughter. "S'why I brought my own. Here," he says, and offers Jim the bottle of bourbon that he conjured from somewhere inside his jacket.

"In a minute," says Jim. "I have some business to take care of, first." But he smacks Bones a wet one in thanks for the offer (and because Bones' mouth is, you know, _right there._ )

"No extries!" Scotty protests, but he's mostly drowned out by Gaila and Uhura going "Awwww" in unison.

"Damn opportunist," Bones grumbles, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

Jim rocks forward and places the bottle precisely in the middle of the circle. He squints at it from this angle, then the other like he's playing billiards, prompting a few comments of _Ooh, we have a professional here, ladies and gentlemen_ and a slap on the ass from Bones, who thinks he's showing off. (For the record, Jim Kirk does not show off his ass. His ass is simply too luxurious for ordinary expectations of subtlety.)

After performing the appropriate calculations, Jim sends the bottle into a swift, measured spin. It wobbles away from the epicenter, not Jim's best work, but as it teeters to a stop it looks like he's triumphed once again: the neck of the bottle is pointing right at Uhura.

The circle erupts into laughter; Uhura's eyes and mouth open comically wide. " _Cheater!_ " she yells, and bats the bottle away. It pops up and lands right in Sulu's lap, who regards its sudden appearance with sloe-eyed surprise.

Ok, Jim can work with that, too. He crawls over, but Sulu recovers from his bottle-induced stupor and decides to tackle Jim instead. They go flying backwards, smacking straight into Bones (who does NOT GODDAMN APPRECIATE THAT) so Jim falls to the side and Sulu follows, and then they're tumbling over each other like a pair of pipes lashed together (or like a pair of cocksure hotshots falling to a doomed planet without a 'chute, but whatever, Jim doesn't have time for traumatic memories right now.)

They end up rolling all the way out into the main corridor—in full view of the cameras, probably, but what the hell—before they slow down enough for Sulu to plant a kiss somewhere in the vicinity of Jim's mouth and shove off. They come to a complete stop and lie there for a moment, spread-eagled on the cool decking.

"Dude," Jim pants. "What the hell was that?"

"I wanted to be on top," says Sulu.

Jim doesn't even bother saying _You could have just asked_ because, whatever, this is Sulu. The guy's buttoned down like an old-fashioned oxford but that's no excuse to forget about his hidden streak of crazy.

The wine must be stronger than it seemed because instead of blaming himself, Jim just laughs until Bones and Scotty come over to drag them back by the ankles.


End file.
